The Friendship Spectrum

Remember when we were kids, we were bombarded with the importance of choosing our friends wisely. For the most part, the friends I chose were mostly by circumstance: women I went to church with, my kids' friends' moms, neighbors and coworkers. And when those circumstances changed, so did the friends.

Honestly, I don't think I became intentional about the kind of people I wanted as friends until 2020. Thank you, Covid. I went through a 'letting go' phase. I unfriended people I didn't want to see in my feed. I stopped reaching out to those one-sided friends — you know the ones who never reach out first.

I started taking yoga and meditation classes, surrounding myself with people who were interested in growth. I became more selective in the networking events I attended. Finally, I began choosing the friends in my life from a place of conviction instead of convenience.

When I combined intentionally choosing friends with an abundant growth mindset while holding my boundaries, amazing people came into my life. Along the way I learned that it's natural for friendships to ebb and flow. My goal now is to appreciate and cherish the time we have together.

A galaxy of friends

Think concentric circles, like planets orbiting the sun. Our closest friends are like Mercury, our inner circle. Our acquaintances are more like Pluto, and subject to losing status in the galaxy altogether. Some friends are closer than others, and even our closest friends are on their own path — sometimes nearer, sometimes farther.

A bouquet of friends

Your friends are like a mixed assortment of flowers. Your closest friends are your rose friends — the rarest and most cherished. The daffodils are new friends. Then there's the baby's breath, those peripheral friends that add fullness to your life. Bouquets aren't static. Flowers can be switched as we change, our situation changes, and our friends change.

The friendship tree

This one is my favorite. Leaf friends add fullness and beauty, even if it's for a short season. Branch friends are part of our life for extended periods, but they still come and go — and that's okay. Root friends are our tried-and-true core, our ride-or-die peeps. We know they're there when we need them.

It's a graceful way to acknowledge the comings and goings of people in our lives without judgment. And it shows how much we need a full and varied community.

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