Surrender

Quick — what comes to mind when you think of the word surrender?

One night at a women's circle, essential oils were being passed around, and a friend held up one and said it was called Surrender. 'Ick,' I said, repulsed without even smelling it. Her reaction told me the word had a different meaning to her.

At that moment, if you had asked me for the definition, I would have told you it meant giving up, losing something valuable — probably yourself. In the next couple of weeks, that word kept popping up. But with a different connotation. The vibe was more like surrendering to the flow. Accepting blessings, rather than chasing them.

White flag vs. green flag

I call the negative association White Flag Surrender — as in, wave the white flag and give up. The positive version, Green Flag Surrender, means accepting.

I recently met a new guy. We talked for 40 minutes the first time we met; he asked for my number. We went on a first date a couple of nights later. I enjoyed spending time with him but discovered a couple of relationship deal breakers. If I had known, I wouldn't have given him my number. But I'm glad I didn't know, because it was a really great experience.

An interesting debate played out in my head. We had great chemistry and conversation, but did I want to see him again? I could White Flag Surrender and give up my standards. Or I could shut it down and run away to protect myself. But what if I tried a Green Flag Surrender and accepted that I'm not in control (as usual)? What if I released into the situation to see where it went?

White-flag surrender

• Not keeping boundaries — or not having any in the first place
• Being nice and putting other people's needs ahead of mine
• Being a doormat for fear of being 'rude'
• Submission, people pleasing, feeling invisible
• Fear holding me back from being my authentic self

It feels like the past I left behind.

Green-flag surrender

• Surrendering to the flow of life
• Accepting what is, without needing a specific outcome
• Trust — in myself and beyond
• Feeling centered, free, and held by something bigger
• Knowing what I need will arrive when I need it
• Knowing that I have everything I need within me

I read that true surrender is never to another person. I like that.